March 15, 2007

"Psst, anyone still here?" she wondered.

After a relatively lengthy sabbatical (for a blog writer), Jennifer once again returns to the blogosphere for what she hopes is not merely a cameo. Though, after so long an absence, she is rather intimidated in knowing how to begin her post. So much has happened in the recent weeks that she is at a loss as to where to begin.

Hundreds of thoughts run through her mind. Should she mention her aversion to this new-fangled Blogger? She proudly considers herself an old fashioned girl, and she misses the "old fashioned" Blogger. She decides against saying anything about it, however; no one would be interested.

She considers what else has transpired since February 8th. Why, the beginning of March! Perchance one would be intrigued by her discourse on the "in like a lion, out like a lamb" March weather. But no, that would be far more suited to parlor banter.

She smiles as she considers her scant remaining audience being amused as they read her anecdote from yesterday afternoon. She regales herself by replaying the scene in her mind.

There she had sat at her desk at work, so very tired. All she had wanted to do was sleep. Proceeding to zone out, her eyes glazed over and her body relaxed into the supposedly ergonomic office chair she occupied. How could she have known that it was possible to fall into a semi-sleeping state (or a "long blink" as she preferred to call it) with eyes wide open? Suddenly, she had jerked to attention, only to realize that she had just been "dreaming" of amillennialism vs. premillennialism. As she had shaken the fogginess from her mind, she avowed not to tell anyone of this. No one would understand. Who dreams of differentiating eschatological views?

Jennifer bites her lip as she remembers that that account is not supposed to be shared with anyone for fear of being labeled as one of those crazy theological geeks, and she supposes a blog entry featuring that story would not be permissible.

Oh! She could speak of her exciting, event-filled weekend, beginning with the mini-trip to Canada! It is going to be a blast. She is looking forward to road-trippin' it up to Ontario with her dear friend, Daasy, while the two of them will be jamming to some solid theology-packed Christian rap and headbanging to John Piper sermons. As seems to be tradition for road trips, Jennifer hopes to have time to bake banana bread for the ride up. Once in Ontario, the two will enjoy a rousing day filled with hockey tournament games and fellowship with some dear brothers.

Upon returning to the Twin Cities on Sunday evening, she will be heading over to Bethlehem for OneAnother's Variety Show. In the course of said Variety Show, a video will be shown featuring her as a "Typical Bethlehem Woman." The movie narrates how and why it is so challenging to get a date with those Bethlehem women. Apparently, they're a different sort of breed. Jennifer chuckled smugly over that fact. She also decided not to delve into divulging her weekend plans. Too long of a story, she determined.

After dismissing a few more thoughts that came to mind of potential bloggable moments, she decided on a very ascetic approach to her first post in over a month...she will simply pose the question:

Hey, does anybody still read this thing?


Anonymous Anonymous said...


3/15/2007 4:04 PM  
Blogger Craver Vii said...

Read what thing? I can't see past the cobwebs and dust!

3/15/2007 4:44 PM  
Blogger ed elliott said...

You made my Bloglines Feeds BECAUSE you go to BBC. I am a hardcore Piper nerd...I went to a conference in 1998 mostly to meet him and tell him I was so thrilled that He was proclaiming the Great Glory of God. My brother-in-law, Coty Pinckney interned with John and is also a Piper nerd. Coty planted Desiring God Community Church in Charlotte, NC and his sermons are peppered with Piperese. I get the Bethlehem weekly in my mail...and now I've added you and another BBC blogger to tell me WHAT IS GOING ON AT the Epicenter of all-things-Piper. You get my drift.

3/16/2007 12:08 PM  
Blogger Lee Shelton said...

He remembered when this blog had been buzzing with activity. It was an oasis of sorts--a rest stop along the Information Superhighway where a weary traveler could just relax and take it easy.

But it had long since shut down. He couldn't exactly remember when. Every time he passed it he would wonder just how long it had been empty, and if someone would ever have it dismantled.

This time, he decided to stop.

He clicked the link and took a deep breath. This is crazy, he thought. You've seen it in the movies a million times. You're NEVER supposed to go into an old, abandoned blog alone.

The home page started to open.

As the text and images began to fill the screen, he noticed that it seemed different somehow. And he had the strange feeling he was being watched. Could it be that... No, he interrupted himself. No one has been here for ages. You're just imagining things.

Sure enough, there were the remnants of a once-active blog. Dust and cobwebs covered everything, but he could make out some of the old posts. Sifting through them, he found one about getting lost on the way to a park to play Ultimate Frisbee. Another one asked that age-old question: "How long do you think a roll of frozen cookie dough will last in a car?"

He chuckled at that one. "I suppose it would depend how many depressed girls were in the car," he muttered aloud.

And what was that? It looked like a schedule of some kind. A hockey schedule.

The randomness of the posts caused him to wonder if anyone had ever actually lived here at all. There didn't seem to be any purpose. There was no organization. It was clear the term "feng shui" was not a part of this blogger's vocabulary.

A swift, sudden chill swept through him.

What is that?!, his mind screamed.

He couldn't believe it. The title of a new post appeared on the screen. Someone else had been here!

He began looking around frantically for signs of life. Three new comments? He definitely wasn't alone! But how could that be?

Something was happening as he read the words of the new post. He wasn't sure what it was, but it just didn't feel right. It was as if the blog was being transformed right before his very eyes.

He felt a presence. He turned slowly...


3/17/2007 4:29 PM  
Blogger Lee Shelton said...

He regained consciousness about three hours later.

"Wh-what happened?" he groaned, as he pulled himself up off the floor. He knew something strange had occurred, but his mind was still in a haze. The last thing he remembered was sitting alone in an abandoned blog. At least he thought it was abandoned.

He rubbed his eyes and looked at the screen: the Drudge Report. The main headline read, "ICE, WIND, COLD...PARADE!"

Had it all been a dream?

He wasn't sure he wanted to stick around to find out. He shut down the computer and went to the fridge for a Guinness.

3/17/2007 7:32 PM  
Blogger C.W. Graham said...

No one has been blogging lately... its been soooo lonely. Nice to have something to read again:)

I Piper like... I Piper fan... I piper read... I Piper Robot... Who is Jenn?...

3/17/2007 9:53 PM  
Blogger Dusto said...

I read...when stuf is posted. And I take reservation to Pootie's comment than "no one had been blogging lately" cause I know some guy who has posted a few legthy blogs as of late...with no comments either! Anyway, I still read it.

3/18/2007 12:14 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

Hehe, classy post.

Verification word "Qerfyd": The act of falling asleep at work and dreaming of differentiating eschatological views and/or hockey.

3/18/2007 2:41 PM  
Blogger The Armchair Theologian said...

Awe...Thanks for noticing Dustin! I thought nobody ever noticed my posts anymore, hence my attempting to post the stupidest, most idiotic stuff ever...

...well, WHEN I post, that is.

But some people DO read this blog, yes!

This whole blog ring has been kinda "low content" as of late, with a few faithful (who don't have Hebrew exegetical projects to do or trips to plan or moving to do or episodes of Stargate SG-1 to watch or whatever else has been done to waste away valuable blogging time) who have posted some goods!

Nice to see a new post up Miss Hibst! Keep up the good work!

3/19/2007 1:37 AM  
Blogger The Armchair Theologian said...

Although as far as posting goes, I am pretty proud of my ranting with Wyatt as to how much weight Adam (pre fall in his perfect state) could squat. That is almost worthy of a blog post in itself!

3/19/2007 1:38 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Wow, my first "anonymous" commenter. I'm tickled pink.

Craver - not to worry for those who have allergies; I'm working on doing a spring cleaning. This dust'll be gone in no time.

Ed - welcome! We fully love Piper nerds here. :)

Lee - I was rolling in the aisles, I was laughing so hard at your gripping tale. An abandoned blog is a frightening thing.

Yo, C.W. - Piper has that effect on me too at times. And "...I Piper Robot..." HA!

Wait. Dusto? You read my blog? Oh man! I feel like the coolest kid on the block. (As an aside, I've read that particular person's lengthy blogs)

Michael - It pleases me to know that you are up on your vocabulary! Yay for qerfyd!!

Armchair - an actual post on Adam's ability to squat an excessive amount of weight pre-fall would be most intriguing. Please do.

3/20/2007 8:54 AM  
Blogger Lee Shelton said...

Armchair, Adam in his pre-fallen state would have no need to go to the gym in the first place, so the question is moot. Besides, we need to answer that other question first: Did he have a belly button?

3/20/2007 10:47 AM  

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